i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
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