gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
