sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Randomize
