I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
His nipple licking is glorious
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