He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
Randomize