youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
I need to stop coming to work sober
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize
