im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
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