My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
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