how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
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