She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
So apparently I’m into choking now
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