So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
I'm fascinated by her cleavage. She has deep cleavage, but no obvious boobage to speak of. Check it out.
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
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