I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Randomize
