someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
Randomize
