Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
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