I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
Randomize
