I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
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