i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
