Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
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