I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
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