His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
Randomize
