the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
Did you just see the Batmobile???
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
Randomize
