OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
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