2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
Randomize
