Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
Randomize
