Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
