Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
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