matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
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