i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
Don't tell me you're on acid again
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Randomize
