wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
Randomize
