I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
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