who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
organizing the empties. That sober.
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Randomize
