I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
