Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
Nobody cheats on THIS.
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
