If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
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