She is in my trunk
chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
