if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
I DON'T KNOW WHERE WE ARE WE ARE TOO FUCKING ELEVATED.
Me either! Fuck yeah, 12th and something. 12th and hamburger stand.
Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
Randomize
