First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
