thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize
