After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
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