You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Randomize
