If that was your dad, he is hot
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
Randomize
