"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
