just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Randomize