great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
