She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
Randomize
