This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
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