Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
Randomize