This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
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