I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize
