What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
Randomize
