I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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