shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
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