I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
Randomize