How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
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