Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
Randomize
