I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
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