god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
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