About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
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