did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
Randomize
