Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
The uberlube is also flammable
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
Randomize
