when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
Randomize
