and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
areolas are like halos for boobs.
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
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