he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
Randomize
