She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
