yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
Randomize
