my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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