Umm I'm too high to move.
I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
Randomize
