Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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