I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
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