The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
I didn't shave. On purpose
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
