Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
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