I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
Randomize
