Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
Randomize
