Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
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